Rest if you want to live life to the fullest.

It's always the belief that more is achieved by doing more with less rest. But ironically, without sufficient rest, less is done.

Sometimes, I wake up feeling lousy because I haven't had enough rest the night before. I stayed up late, thinking I can do more. But the lack of rest also has its side effects, I become less productive, less alert, less sharp in my mind and less efficient.

This morning I got a knock on my heart from God on rest. Not only I do less with less rest, I actually cannot live life to the fullest and enjoy my walk with Christ! Restlessness is one of the reasons why we don't recognize God when He is near, when He is speaking to us, and what He is doing in the unseen realm. For me, restlessness robbed me of how I don't hear God's whispers of love to me through the beauty of what's around me.

I realised that this morning. Rest is so important.

Good in Bad

Just watched Soul Surfer. I was deeply inspired and encouraged by the story of Bethany Hamilton. But I was even more inspired by her boldness to tell the world about Jesus in her life.

Her story speaks to many, if not all, of us. Things happen in life to make us question how can it be God's plan for us. We will always have the power to choose to believe either only good will come out of the bad situation, or to choose to believe that we are victims and let the situation conquer us.

1 John 4:4 says 'Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world'. So definitely, we are not meant to be carrying a victim mindset when bad situations hit us but to believe that only good will come out of it. We can become stronger, wiser and more mature, if and only if, we choose to respond to bad situations well.

Bad situations are not all bad. Good can be found in them. And good can come out of it. Bethany Hamilton's life is evidence. I want my life to be that too!

Preparing For Conference.

I have the privilege to be part of a team organizing the Kingdom Women Conference 2011 at Sunway Convention Center this coming September. So far it's been great experience working alongside others who stand united in one spirit with one God-inspired cause (battling the injustice of human trafficking) in our hearts.

I've been entrusted with putting up a dance for the opening item. I have to say, although it didn't seem easy to look for people at 1st, God made it possible and provided the right people! This amazing team managed to learn the 4 minutes dance in just 4 short practices and it is looking good! But the best part about being part of the dance team is that they are all a blessing in my life in different ways. Our practices are always filled with laughter and positive encouragement shot at one another.

Yet, behind all the physical preparation, we are also fasting and praying into the Conference, watering onto the seeds God has planted and setting the stage for what God is going to do on 9th and 10th September this year. Testimony after testimony has been told of God's provision, encouragement and confirmation on it being a God-Conference.

I am so excited for the Conference. And if you are a woman, I encourage you to sign up if you haven't already. I am not promoting it simply because I am part of the organizing team, but I totally believe that when women stand united, believing that we are all called for such a time as this and for this very occasion, this very time when human trafficking is affecting the society and growing, awesome things WILL happen. Also, I believe that women will greatly be blessed, appreciated, and be set free from things that stop them from becoming the awesome woman that Christ has intended her to be. All we have are things given to us by our Creator and we ought to be good stewards of them. One of the ways to be a god steward is to invest those things, like time and money, into something that can help us grow in Christ and will impact our world. This Conference is one good place to invest in.

We are raising funds to rescue human trafficking victims. It takes RM200 to rescue one. We also believing for a God-solution to the issue of human trafficking. Nothing is too big nor too difficult for our Might God!

It is going to be some Conference. Don't miss it!

The world needs Jesus

On Saturday morning few days ago, I followed my dad to visit 1 of the students from his school who had just returned from 1st chemo therapy treatment. She suffers from leukemia, and she is only 10.

There had been no history of cancer or leukemia in her family. Her parents expressed their confusion over how it started in this little girl's life. Her dad told us about the boy who's 13 years old who was in the same ward with her during treatment. He suffers from cancer and similarly there had been no history of cancer in his family.

As I sat there listening to all the conversation going on, I kept looking at the little girl who's skin and bones only, and I shot glances over to the idol in their home, and prayed in tongues the whole moment. I had to fight back my tears. It is heart-breaking to know that children are suffering from sicknesses and that they have become victims of the curse from the fall.

The parents are confused about how such illness is birthed in their children's lives. They do not know the sin that they are in, and they have no clue whatsoever about the solution and answer.

I am devastated, but, I am also furious at the devil. The world needs Jesus, for he is the only one who can restore the broken connection between the children and God, and wipe out that sin, and the curse that so many are suffering from.

If you are reading this, please pray for children such as this little girl. I will definitely pray for her and believe for a miracle healing.

Journal 20.12.2010

Thinking back about what it was like the day I gave my life to Christ. It felt like I am found, and no longer lost in life. But as life continues and things happen, the certainly of found-ness seemed to have dissipated.

Is it suppose to be so?

I dug deep and pressed on to God for understanding of the situation. Well, I am glad there was an answer. Although I accepted Christ then, there were many mindsets I held on to and perceptions about life and God which are not in line with God's truths and His will. From day 1 onwards, things happen as tests to shake my life's false foundations and bring me back to the foundational love of Christ. God shapes me through each and every trial.

Trials come to show me whether or not my perceptions about God are right, or perverted.

The seeming dissipation of found-ness indicates that my perceptions about God got some fine-tuning to be done.

Journal 6.11.2010

Mark 14:3-7

In this story, the woman broke a costly alabaster jar of nard in Jesus' presence and anointed him with it. Jesus commented, saying what she did was beautiful, and that they do not always have him with them.

My relationship with my Creator is precious. Tasks, work and chores will always be there, like the poor will always be among us. My time spent with God, on the other hand, is something that I must purposely make time for and maintain. I was asking God to help me deal with insecurity. Through the story in Mark 14, God asked that I break it in his presence. I have held on to it as though it's valuable, being in an issue for so long it became my comfort zone, not wanting to go through the pain for growth.

It's now time to break it and let Jesus transform it into a blessing for His glory. When it is broken in Christ, it turns into an anointing in my life.

Journal 30.10.2010

Insecurity Made Me a Desperado

John 5

Still struggling with insecurity. Today, I thank God for this struggle.

As I read this chapter, I realised that the Bible recorded encounters with Jesus of the demon-possessed man, the ruler whose daughter died and the woman with blood discharge problem. They cried out to Jesus for a touch from him without shame and desperately. Healing came to these desperadoes who dared to admit their need for Christ. The Bible has no records of miracles for those who say "I am OK" or "I'm fine, no thanks".

The insecurity i struggle with made me a desperado for Jesus. It made me long for Him in a way that 'perfect' people won't. It made me throw all I have down to run after Jesus.

I am glad to be going through this.

Journal 21.9.2010

Love Builds Up

1 Corinthians 8:1-3
...knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. If anyone imagines that he knows something, he does not yet know as he ought to know. But if anyone loves God, he is known by God.

I thought I know more about Christ than some people in my life. But the Lord convicted me and revealed to me how much I still do not know. I have to confess that so many times in my life I have allowed knowledge to puff me up, leading me into arguments on opinions about religion with people in my life. Instead, I should let the knowledge I gained teach me and guide me to love others, not puff me up or give me status.

Knowing more does not entitle me to behave in a way that will cause others to stumble.

Journal 13.9.2010

I love falling in love. It is a sudden rush of liveliness. It is getting overwhelmed with an invisible force that makes me see my whole in a totally different perspective.

It'll be nice if I can fall in love EVERYDAY! Imagine that.

But falling in love is merely a feeling. Momentary. Loving, on the other hand, is a whole different game. It is done consciously, triggered with a choice. It is eternal and has long-lasting effect, whereas falling in love is here this moment and gone the next.

Sure, loving is better. But if I can, I want to fall in love everyday, with Jesus, and with the people in my life.

Journal 4.8.2010

The Right Position

John 6: 10-11
Jesus said, “Have the people sit down.” There was plenty of grass in that place, and they sat down (about five thousand men were there). Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish.

Jesus said to the disciples 'Have the people sit down...' before he took the loaves, thank God for it, and then distributed it to those who were seated.

In this season of waiting for direction and an answer from God on where I should go with my job, the question thrown back to me by God was "Are you positioned to receive the answer?". God let us 'wait' for answers because He wants to make sure that we are in the right spiritual position before receiving it. It is important. If I am not positioned to receive, I won't get what I need, and will not be ready to take up the calling He has for me wholeheartedly. And I definitely wouldn't be able to handle the answer well.

If I want to receive the 'bread and fish' that I need, I must 1st position myself in a place of readiness, willingness, humility, obedience and in His presence (abiding).

Journal 16.7.2010

Strengthened by Grace

Hebrews 13:9
Do not be led away by diverse ad strange teachings, for it is good for the heart to be strengthened by grace, not by foods, which have not benefited those devoted to them.

The writer of the Hebrews was emphasizing to the people to not buy what others advocate especially about getting life right by relying on works, material and other things besides the grace of God. Many people sought deliverance and redemption by sacrificing food to idols and thought that these foods will strengthen them and bring them peace. It is grace alone and not other things that gives us the strength we need to go through life on earth.

Food may strengthen my body, rest may add to it. But they don't strengthen my heart nor feed my soul. It is grace that has given me the strength needed to overcome and be in peace. In my struggles with insecurity, anxiety, sin, loneliness, fears, financial difficulties, it wasn't food or self-help books or Oprah that strengthen me to overcome. It was the grace of God revealed in the truths of God and His love.

God's grace works like an energy booster, a supernatural force that propels me beyond what I could be achieved in my own strength or in my reliance on food or other things. God's love and grace is like that fluid you add to your car fuel that supposedly makes your car run faster/more powerful.

When I struggle, knowing that God loves me, never leaves me, and other truths if God - grace - gives me the strength I need.

Journal 9.7.2010

Faith & Patience

Hebrews 6:11 - 12
And we desire each one of you to show the same earnestness to have the full assurance of hope until the end, so that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.

God who promised is faithful. He promised manking a saviour and gave His only Son Jesus. He promised Israelites freedom and delivered them from Egypt and slavery and led them to the promised land. When God promised something, He will keep it. His promises are a sure and steadfast anchor for our souls. I should not be anxious about anything but be anchored with His love and truths.

God promised the salvation of my loved ones and family. In the process of waiting for Him to come through, it is my faith and patience that He is seeking to develop. After all, He is more interested in my character than what I attain.

Inheritance of God's promises is certain. The variant is my faith and patience.

Journal 29.6.2010

Great is God's Love

Psalm 86
v. 5 - You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to You.
v. 7 - In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me.
v. 13 - For great is your steadfast love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.
v. 17 - ...for you, O Lord, have helped me and comforted me.

Sometimes, life can be a struggle. Nevertheless, God has always been faithful to me. Even when I hardened my heart, He never stopped loving me and being there for me. Focusing on my loved ones and family's not-yet-salvation causes me to be anxious. And in struggling with this anxiety, I have sinned by letting it rule me.

But thankfully, God's love is great enough to help me sail through this storm. Whatever the struggle, His love is great enough to help me through.

Oxymoron You and Me

Think about this: So many of us think or thought that we are ordinary. But, we also acknowledge the fact that each one of us is uniquely created and hence our different thumb-prints. So...we are not really ordinary but extraordinary, are we?

I know that in God's eyes we are all extraordinary since an extraordinary God created us. Even if some of us think that we are ordinary, God can use us ordinary people to do extraordinary things... take Mother Theresa for example. So which is correct? She was created extraordinary? Or was it ordinary her who did extraordinary things?

We are oxymoron-ic creatures. Yes we are.

Malaysian Chinese New Year

One thing I love about living in Malaysia and being a Malaysian is when one race celebrates their festival, all races within the nation celebrate it together. This was my experience back in Kuala Kangsar yesterday on the 1st day of the Chinese New Year.

My very-Chinese family attended a Malay kenduri on the 1st day of 'bunny year'. The canopy occupied the road in front of a stretch of over 10 houses! Streets were blocked to make space for cars to park. It was crowded and yet the warmth of the people being there to celebrate someone's son or daughter's marriage was deeply felt. It's like everyone knew everyone. (Honesly, I still have no idea whose wedding it was :P )

Even the ice-cream pakcik gave free ice-cream to guests!

A deejay-who-works-from-home (literally) was hired, probably a relative to the host?

The whole kompang gang was there to perform some traditional Malay music too! (check out the gong-man)

My dad bumped into many people that he knew at the kenduri, some are government servants as he is, some are long-time neighbours from his childhood! (Btw, my dad is more than half a century old) But the one that really stuck with me was the 'hair cut pakcik'!
This pakcik was my dad's neighbour when he was a kid. He testified that my dad used to always fight with my aunt while they were playing outside the house. His exact word were 'selalu gaduh dengan ah moi!' Even after my dad has moved, he visitted the pakcik regularly by bringing my brothers to his hair salon or himself for a hair cut! Yes, this pakcik has been and is still cutting hair (already 46 years and still going!) The last time I checked, his hair salon is still wooden, and open :D

I love kampung-style holidays and festivals. No matter the race and background, we all celebrate it together like one big family. It will definitely be something I will remember about my hometown, and something about Malaysia that I hope will never change :)

Journal 12.4.2010

2 Corinthians 12:9

Paul wrote to the Corinthians about being humble before God and not to boast of oneself but to be less self-glorifying so that God will be more in their lives.

The more I boast about how well I did and how capable I am, the lesser God gets the glory and credit which He deserves.

I began many things with a sincere desire to glorify God but ended up taking all the credit myself. I hide my weaknesses so that I can appear great. Yes, a hypocrite I am. The truth is I have weaknesses that I am ashamed of letting the world know. As much as the world tells me to hide it, the Bible teaches me otherwise so that there may be an opportunity for God to be exalted. My weaknesses should not be my shame but the stepping stones for great God-stories and doors leading me to God's mighty things. Every weakness is an opportunity for God to shine!

Judge Not

I wanted to express how hard it was to love an imperfect dear one and that I was hurt by what this dear one had said to me.

But before I said anything, I was reminded of how I too am imperfect. I ought to look at the log in my eye before I point out the speck on the other person's eye. Judge not for Jesus didn't judge me.

I kept quiet.

Loving without regard to the hurt is difficult. Guess that it why we need Jesus to teach us how to.

Journal 28.3.2010

Luke 7:36-50

The jar of perfume represented the sinful woman's lost dreams and disappointments in life. It reminded her of never finding/having a husband and incidents where men have abused her. But when Jesus came into town, she took the jar to him, broke it at his feet. She was judged for doing that, but Jesus said that she has loved much and her faith has made her well/saved her.

Just like the woman, I have disappointments bottled up in my life. I am disappointed with God for my uncle's death and the unfulfilled promises and I am disappointed with myself. I am drowning in my disappointments. It feels like I fell into a pit and God isn't lifting me up.

Perhaps, I should do what the woman did. Take my bottle of disappointments to Jesus, break it at his feet and have faith, trust that God will come through in His time. I need to do that.

Journal 22.1.2010

(an excerpt)

Jesus: I am not here to make you love me. I am here simply to love you.

Journal 19.1.2010

(an excerpt)

Just got back from Sunway Pyramid. Watched 'Old Dogs' with Amanda. It was better than I'd expected!

Don (Robin William)'s character spoke into my heart. He gave up work and moved to be near his family, his children. Ultimately he just wants to be with his kids. Whatever the timing, he loves them, and wants to be there for them.

That's the heart of my heavenly Father! He just wants to be with me and be there for me no matter what and irregardless of seasons, all because He loves me. Whether it's at a crossroad, in work, in relationship, in business and even in my daily routine, my Creator just wants to be with me in every moment. He had given up everything to be near to me. That's the ultimate example of loving out of choice, not feeling.

I am smothered in His love.

Journal 2.2.2010

Exodus 33:8-9

When Moses enters the tent of meeting to meet with the Lord, the cloud representing the presence of God will descend onto the tent and stay there until Moses leaves the tent.

God draws near to those who draw near to Him. He isn't a distant God who wants no involvement in our businesses. He desires to meet with us and is delighted if we take time to meet Him. When I genuinely and intentionally seek God, He will come meet me, like how He would come to meet Moses at the tent. I have used excuses like busyness or exhaustion or "I can do it later" to not intentionally meet God. It's always put aside to later. When I feel dry spiritually, I find myself blaming Him for not speaking but how can I hear Him if I don't even take time and intentionally seek Him, right?

The truth is God will surely come meet me if I genuinely seek Him and go into my own "tent" to meet Him. He is definitely someone who loves communicating with me. The lie that I hear about God won't respond is not true! If I intentionally seek Him, He will surely come meet me.

Sowing What I've Received

I re-read my journal as I did reflection on my journey with Jesus in 2010. It's been a testing year, but all trials are for my good. I am glad that God seeks to refine me and bring me back to the foundation of His love in every aspect in my life.

Every word spoken into my life as written in my journal represents a seed planted by God. One of the reasons God did so is so that I will sow the seeds which I received. So I will be sharing some of my journal posts here. I pray that you will be blessed by it. Happy 2011!