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Journal 30.10.2010

Insecurity Made Me a Desperado

John 5

Still struggling with insecurity. Today, I thank God for this struggle.

As I read this chapter, I realised that the Bible recorded encounters with Jesus of the demon-possessed man, the ruler whose daughter died and the woman with blood discharge problem. They cried out to Jesus for a touch from him without shame and desperately. Healing came to these desperadoes who dared to admit their need for Christ. The Bible has no records of miracles for those who say "I am OK" or "I'm fine, no thanks".

The insecurity i struggle with made me a desperado for Jesus. It made me long for Him in a way that 'perfect' people won't. It made me throw all I have down to run after Jesus.

I am glad to be going through this.

Journal 21.9.2010

Love Builds Up

1 Corinthians 8:1-3
...knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. If anyone imagines that he knows something, he does not yet know as he ought to know. But if anyone loves God, he is known by God.

I thought I know more about Christ than some people in my life. But the Lord convicted me and revealed to me how much I still do not know. I have to confess that so many times in my life I have allowed knowledge to puff me up, leading me into arguments on opinions about religion with people in my life. Instead, I should let the knowledge I gained teach me and guide me to love others, not puff me up or give me status.

Knowing more does not entitle me to behave in a way that will cause others to stumble.

Journal 13.9.2010

I love falling in love. It is a sudden rush of liveliness. It is getting overwhelmed with an invisible force that makes me see my whole in a totally different perspective.

It'll be nice if I can fall in love EVERYDAY! Imagine that.

But falling in love is merely a feeling. Momentary. Loving, on the other hand, is a whole different game. It is done consciously, triggered with a choice. It is eternal and has long-lasting effect, whereas falling in love is here this moment and gone the next.

Sure, loving is better. But if I can, I want to fall in love everyday, with Jesus, and with the people in my life.

Journal 4.8.2010

The Right Position

John 6: 10-11
Jesus said, “Have the people sit down.” There was plenty of grass in that place, and they sat down (about five thousand men were there). Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish.

Jesus said to the disciples 'Have the people sit down...' before he took the loaves, thank God for it, and then distributed it to those who were seated.

In this season of waiting for direction and an answer from God on where I should go with my job, the question thrown back to me by God was "Are you positioned to receive the answer?". God let us 'wait' for answers because He wants to make sure that we are in the right spiritual position before receiving it. It is important. If I am not positioned to receive, I won't get what I need, and will not be ready to take up the calling He has for me wholeheartedly. And I definitely wouldn't be able to handle the answer well.

If I want to receive the 'bread and fish' that I need, I must 1st position myself in a place of readiness, willingness, humility, obedience and in His presence (abiding).

Journal 16.7.2010

Strengthened by Grace

Hebrews 13:9
Do not be led away by diverse ad strange teachings, for it is good for the heart to be strengthened by grace, not by foods, which have not benefited those devoted to them.

The writer of the Hebrews was emphasizing to the people to not buy what others advocate especially about getting life right by relying on works, material and other things besides the grace of God. Many people sought deliverance and redemption by sacrificing food to idols and thought that these foods will strengthen them and bring them peace. It is grace alone and not other things that gives us the strength we need to go through life on earth.

Food may strengthen my body, rest may add to it. But they don't strengthen my heart nor feed my soul. It is grace that has given me the strength needed to overcome and be in peace. In my struggles with insecurity, anxiety, sin, loneliness, fears, financial difficulties, it wasn't food or self-help books or Oprah that strengthen me to overcome. It was the grace of God revealed in the truths of God and His love.

God's grace works like an energy booster, a supernatural force that propels me beyond what I could be achieved in my own strength or in my reliance on food or other things. God's love and grace is like that fluid you add to your car fuel that supposedly makes your car run faster/more powerful.

When I struggle, knowing that God loves me, never leaves me, and other truths if God - grace - gives me the strength I need.

Journal 9.7.2010

Faith & Patience

Hebrews 6:11 - 12
And we desire each one of you to show the same earnestness to have the full assurance of hope until the end, so that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.

God who promised is faithful. He promised manking a saviour and gave His only Son Jesus. He promised Israelites freedom and delivered them from Egypt and slavery and led them to the promised land. When God promised something, He will keep it. His promises are a sure and steadfast anchor for our souls. I should not be anxious about anything but be anchored with His love and truths.

God promised the salvation of my loved ones and family. In the process of waiting for Him to come through, it is my faith and patience that He is seeking to develop. After all, He is more interested in my character than what I attain.

Inheritance of God's promises is certain. The variant is my faith and patience.

Journal 29.6.2010

Great is God's Love

Psalm 86
v. 5 - You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to You.
v. 7 - In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me.
v. 13 - For great is your steadfast love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.
v. 17 - ...for you, O Lord, have helped me and comforted me.

Sometimes, life can be a struggle. Nevertheless, God has always been faithful to me. Even when I hardened my heart, He never stopped loving me and being there for me. Focusing on my loved ones and family's not-yet-salvation causes me to be anxious. And in struggling with this anxiety, I have sinned by letting it rule me.

But thankfully, God's love is great enough to help me sail through this storm. Whatever the struggle, His love is great enough to help me through.