This question suddenly popped out in my mind as I listened to Pastor Mark preached on Matthew 6 last Sunday. I'd really like to know what are the different opinions on this. But of course, in the end, it is the truth that I am interested in :) What do you think?
Q: Which is worse?
A. Not believing in God.
OR
B. Believing in God and going against Him (just like the devil himself).
Disney Sunset
Disney Sunset
10.10.06
29.9.06
Duit Duit Duit.
I had always thought that this world is becoming increasingly materialistic. But since I moved to KL, my thought is now this - this world is becoming increasingly-squared materialistic.
In the older days, many chose a particular profession for the love of it, and also because of what that particular profession can offer to one in personal development and growth. They hardly look at the monetary incentive. Well, I think money wasn't so much of an incentive at that time.But look at what it has become now. When I asked my friends why do they choose to study law and to become a lawyer, many responded that it was because of the money. What happened to people deserving justice and the need to give access to rights and justice to them? Some people I know chose to be teachers by attending maktab perguruan because of the stable income and the perks and privileges that come with becoming a civil servant. What happened to building a new future for the nation and giving hope to children? The police personnel, already with their well-known 'Nanti Rasuah' policy, is now asking for an increase in salaries to meet, as they have alleged, higher public expectations and higher costs of living. What happened to maintaining order and safety, and protecting the public at all costs?
For this I grief. So much injustice and vices today are related to the fact that many chose a particular profession for the money and not for the love of the profession and the purposes it serves in the community and society. Many lost sight because of money and have their eyes on money, too blinded by it that they failed to see their responsibilities as a part of this nation.
This has become the 'norm' - "Oh, well, who cares what happen to them, as long as I get my pay I am OK." My hope is that you don't join this 'norm' to become one of the irresponsible creeps I know.
Forget trying to figure out what will bring you happiness. Try to make others happy, and then happiness will find you.
7.9.06
Great 8 Part II.
Here is my version of the 8 guys that take my breath away.
Jo Hyun Jae. If you watch 8tv he's in this Korean drama called Only You.
Jang Dong Gun...ha...drool....
Lee Hom.
Keanu Reeves...I don't care even if people say he is gay.
Adrien Brody. 2nd sexiest man to me.
Brandon Routh...I think he looks better in specs.
Antonio Banderas..sexiest man alive.
Ralph Fiennes. He's damn good an actor!! And I love his eyes.
Note: For the Great 8 Part One, please visit Joy's blog, tears of Joy, which is only a click away from my blog :) Adios. God bless you all.
PS: Yes, I am a sucker for long faces and gentle eyes. Hehe.
Jo Hyun Jae. If you watch 8tv he's in this Korean drama called Only You.
Jang Dong Gun...ha...drool....
Lee Hom.
Keanu Reeves...I don't care even if people say he is gay.
Adrien Brody. 2nd sexiest man to me.
Brandon Routh...I think he looks better in specs.
Antonio Banderas..sexiest man alive.
Ralph Fiennes. He's damn good an actor!! And I love his eyes.Note: For the Great 8 Part One, please visit Joy's blog, tears of Joy, which is only a click away from my blog :) Adios. God bless you all.
PS: Yes, I am a sucker for long faces and gentle eyes. Hehe.
24.8.06
2gather-gather.
One Sunday morning...a simple, sunny, ordinary Sunday morning, was all that was necessary for God to touch my heart. How amazing is He!
This happenned last year, but I only remembered the work He has done that day on me on my way to KL in a bus.
That Sunday, as I stood in church worshipping the Lord and singing songs of praise together with the congregation of brothers and sisters in Christ, I saw something that touched my heart.
I forgot what the exact title of the song but I recalled it was about 'unity'. As I opened my eyes, already wet with tears, after singing the chorus, I could only shed more tears at what I saw.
Right in front of me two couples, if I remembered them correctly, they were brother Lai Seng and wife, and brother Richard and wife, worshipping the Lord in unity...they were holding each of their spouse's hand, singing at the top of their lungs.
What touched me was not their love for one another, but their love for God together. It is this togetherness that truly stuck with me since that day until now. And I will never ever forget what I saw that very Sunday morning.
This happenned last year, but I only remembered the work He has done that day on me on my way to KL in a bus.
That Sunday, as I stood in church worshipping the Lord and singing songs of praise together with the congregation of brothers and sisters in Christ, I saw something that touched my heart.
I forgot what the exact title of the song but I recalled it was about 'unity'. As I opened my eyes, already wet with tears, after singing the chorus, I could only shed more tears at what I saw.
Right in front of me two couples, if I remembered them correctly, they were brother Lai Seng and wife, and brother Richard and wife, worshipping the Lord in unity...they were holding each of their spouse's hand, singing at the top of their lungs.
What touched me was not their love for one another, but their love for God together. It is this togetherness that truly stuck with me since that day until now. And I will never ever forget what I saw that very Sunday morning.
22.8.06
Purple Cameron.
My trip to the Cameron Highlands yesterday with my family was wonderful. It has taught me to value and allowed me to see more of the beauty of God's creation and how amazingly beautiful He is. It was a tiring trip but I loved it very much!
I can't help but think of AiChing when I am there because of her favourite colour, yes, purple. Each destination we stopped at has something purple. In the cactus point alone, there were purple flowers, purple horse, and purple vase. Hehe.
AiChing, I miss you.
5.8.06
He is...
He is
a good friend
who listens
who shares
who helps
who cares
He is
a good son
who's responsible
who obeys
who'll be with his family
on special days
He is
a good boyfriend
who keeps me warm
who holds me
who makes me smile
so my fears will flee
He is
a good man
who loves
who cherishes
who appreciates
who wishes
He is
a good man
a child of God
He is
but he
doesn't know God
a good friend
who listens
who shares
who helps
who cares
He is
a good son
who's responsible
who obeys
who'll be with his family
on special days
He is
a good boyfriend
who keeps me warm
who holds me
who makes me smile
so my fears will flee
He is
a good man
who loves
who cherishes
who appreciates
who wishes
He is
a good man
a child of God
He is
but he
doesn't know God
Matthew 18:3-4
Jesus said,"...I tell you the truth, unles you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of God. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."
We know that it is important to be childlike in our lives, not childish. Being childish means persistence in remaining in self-indulgence, to insist on enjoying privileges without responsibilities. You can definitely see this anyday. Just look at how a child insists on his parents buying him a toy without second thoughts about his responsibilities and throwing a trantum when he doesn't get what he wants.
Many times, we adults act childishly whether you admit it or not. We abhor losing control in our lives and so we hold on to our plans and whatever we have tightly because we hate the feeling of losing control. But seriously, let me ask you a question: What is so bad about losing control?
The passage from Matthew above shows clearly how many adults, like myself, forget how to trust God more readily. We also unlearn on being humble. Spending last Monday night together with my 4 year old cousin reminded me of this.
Me, my cousin and Teng Yung, together with my family, went out for dinner. My cousin followed me and Teng Yung in Teng Yung's car. She was so afraid of Teng Yung because he was a stranger, and she was so shy around him. But with me, it was like she knew I was her friend since the day she was born and she liked hanging out with me very much.
The moment we got down from his car, my cousin held my hand as we walked towards the restaurant. Teng Yung was walking on the other side of her. And then I just said to my cousin, "Why don't you hold Ko-Ko's hand?"
She looked at me, and then stretched out her left hand to be held by Teng Yung, without complaining, or arguing, or hesitation. I was surprised. She was already holding my hand on the other side, and she did not even dare go near Teng Yung for the past 2 days!
Her act showed me the kind of childlikeness that we should possess as children of God. My cousin seemed to recognise and trust me more readily without rationalising away her need for love and care. She just understands deeply, and simply, that she needs love from me. This was obviously not taught to her. It is in her since the day God created her, because He created us in His image (Genesis 1:27) i.e. God is love (1 John 4:8).
So if you find yourself too uptight about life, or that you seemed to be getting nowhere, take a break. Get low, be humble, and be childlike, and, like how my cousin trusted me, trust in God.
God bless!
Jesus said,"...I tell you the truth, unles you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of God. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."
We know that it is important to be childlike in our lives, not childish. Being childish means persistence in remaining in self-indulgence, to insist on enjoying privileges without responsibilities. You can definitely see this anyday. Just look at how a child insists on his parents buying him a toy without second thoughts about his responsibilities and throwing a trantum when he doesn't get what he wants.
Many times, we adults act childishly whether you admit it or not. We abhor losing control in our lives and so we hold on to our plans and whatever we have tightly because we hate the feeling of losing control. But seriously, let me ask you a question: What is so bad about losing control?
The passage from Matthew above shows clearly how many adults, like myself, forget how to trust God more readily. We also unlearn on being humble. Spending last Monday night together with my 4 year old cousin reminded me of this.
Me, my cousin and Teng Yung, together with my family, went out for dinner. My cousin followed me and Teng Yung in Teng Yung's car. She was so afraid of Teng Yung because he was a stranger, and she was so shy around him. But with me, it was like she knew I was her friend since the day she was born and she liked hanging out with me very much.
The moment we got down from his car, my cousin held my hand as we walked towards the restaurant. Teng Yung was walking on the other side of her. And then I just said to my cousin, "Why don't you hold Ko-Ko's hand?"
She looked at me, and then stretched out her left hand to be held by Teng Yung, without complaining, or arguing, or hesitation. I was surprised. She was already holding my hand on the other side, and she did not even dare go near Teng Yung for the past 2 days!
Her act showed me the kind of childlikeness that we should possess as children of God. My cousin seemed to recognise and trust me more readily without rationalising away her need for love and care. She just understands deeply, and simply, that she needs love from me. This was obviously not taught to her. It is in her since the day God created her, because He created us in His image (Genesis 1:27) i.e. God is love (1 John 4:8).
So if you find yourself too uptight about life, or that you seemed to be getting nowhere, take a break. Get low, be humble, and be childlike, and, like how my cousin trusted me, trust in God.
God bless!
2.8.06
Today's prescription.
Patients want their doctors to prescribe them something to heal their illnesses.
Pink sang in her song 'Don't Let Me Get Me' so doctor won't you please prescribe me something for being in the life of someone else, don't let me get me.
Patients knew, with their illnesses, they could count on the doctor.
I have my illnesses too, spiritually. And so I counted on God, the ultimate physician and doctor, because Jesus came for the sick. Yeah, I am sick in many ways people don't see. But I myself, and of course the Father who created me, know better.
I have been disappointed again and again in life, not only by the people around me and those I love, but also by myself. I question, 'Why do I feel so wrong?' It's like I am living, but I am not doing it right. Each day I meet people, be in their lives, and reach out to others. But I still feel so wrong.
This feeling troubled me for days. There exists this void in me that is there because of something. And it is this something that I need to find out. I prayed to God that He will help me get out of this mess that I got myself into. Yeah, I feel exactly that way.. that my life is so messed up because of my own doings.
Thank God for anwering my prayer as I turned to Colossians 3.
Colossians 3
1Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. 2Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
He hit the right button! I felt so wrong because my focus was wrong. I did all the reaching out and living each day with the thought of helping and loving them. This doing is right, but I was doing it without the right foundation for all these doings - that I seek those things which are above. My wrong focus had also cost me the trust some of my friends and loved ones used to have in me. They accused me for doing things just because I want to buy them into Christianity. This is a warning sign that I have to open my eyse bigger to see what I missed.
Focus. That is it.
If our focus is wrong, not on things aobve, we will reach out to others with an impression to them that we are just like those direct-selling organisations, wanting to expand. Oh how wrong we are! How wrong I was! I was so caught up with the desire to have my loved ones saved that I reached out without truly loving, without the right focus.
Sometimes we reach out to others only because we want them saved. It's good intentions, but it is still wrong. Jesus asked us to LOVE. So fellow brothers and sisters, just LOVE. One day, the seeds of love that we have planted in these people's hearts will lead them to Him. I was led to God by that :)
Pink sang in her song 'Don't Let Me Get Me' so doctor won't you please prescribe me something for being in the life of someone else, don't let me get me.
Patients knew, with their illnesses, they could count on the doctor.
I have my illnesses too, spiritually. And so I counted on God, the ultimate physician and doctor, because Jesus came for the sick. Yeah, I am sick in many ways people don't see. But I myself, and of course the Father who created me, know better.
I have been disappointed again and again in life, not only by the people around me and those I love, but also by myself. I question, 'Why do I feel so wrong?' It's like I am living, but I am not doing it right. Each day I meet people, be in their lives, and reach out to others. But I still feel so wrong.
This feeling troubled me for days. There exists this void in me that is there because of something. And it is this something that I need to find out. I prayed to God that He will help me get out of this mess that I got myself into. Yeah, I feel exactly that way.. that my life is so messed up because of my own doings.
Thank God for anwering my prayer as I turned to Colossians 3.
Colossians 3
1Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. 2Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
He hit the right button! I felt so wrong because my focus was wrong. I did all the reaching out and living each day with the thought of helping and loving them. This doing is right, but I was doing it without the right foundation for all these doings - that I seek those things which are above. My wrong focus had also cost me the trust some of my friends and loved ones used to have in me. They accused me for doing things just because I want to buy them into Christianity. This is a warning sign that I have to open my eyse bigger to see what I missed.
Focus. That is it.
If our focus is wrong, not on things aobve, we will reach out to others with an impression to them that we are just like those direct-selling organisations, wanting to expand. Oh how wrong we are! How wrong I was! I was so caught up with the desire to have my loved ones saved that I reached out without truly loving, without the right focus.
Sometimes we reach out to others only because we want them saved. It's good intentions, but it is still wrong. Jesus asked us to LOVE. So fellow brothers and sisters, just LOVE. One day, the seeds of love that we have planted in these people's hearts will lead them to Him. I was led to God by that :)
1.8.06
Birthday lesson.
Oh darn, I am so ashamed of myself.
Yesterday, Teng Yung insisted on seeing my photos instead of my stamps collection. I hesitantly pulled out the photo albums one by one and guided him through the photos again. He had seen it before, and wanted to see it again.
So, we started from one album that consists of my primary school year photos..and then to one with my baby pics. Apparently, my face didn't change since the age of 4 :P This was what Teng Yung say, but I am not sure if I agree :)
Anyway, we came across a few photos of my birthday parties. When I looked at the photos, I saw a table full of food - french fries, sausages, watermelon cut into small pieces, red eggs, fried bee hoon and of course, a big birthday cake right in the middle of the pile of food on the table. I was amazed at the strength of the table!
The other thing I noticed besides the food, hehe, in the photos, were the friends that stood by my side, who sang birthday song and were willing to be in the photos with me. I regretted not keeping in touch with some of them.
But as I looked into these photos, the thing that I remembered most, well, not exactly thing, more like persons, were my parents.
Looking at these photos brought back flashes of memories which comprise moments I saw my parents busy cleaning up and preparing in the kitchen, rushing in and out of it, to prepare the food and make sure everything is OK. They even did the invitation where I was supposed to do it because it was my birthdays after all. They were exhausted at my birthday parties. Very stressed out in fact. I remembered hearing them complain: "Have party, so ma farn!" But they still did it for me, not once, but many times.
I can't help but feel a sense of guilt in me as I look at these photos and think back to those times... my parents have given so much to me. They ensured I have the best childhood. And I did.
And then I tried to recollect if I did anything for them. Anything... haha, guess what? I can't think of any at all.
I am such a spoilt brat. My parents are giving me so much and all I do is ask for more.
Thank God I realised... although it may be too late. So, now, in one of the transitions in life I am going through now, I know, in my walk with God, where one of my commitment shall be in. My wonderful, loving, superb, parents.
Yesterday, Teng Yung insisted on seeing my photos instead of my stamps collection. I hesitantly pulled out the photo albums one by one and guided him through the photos again. He had seen it before, and wanted to see it again.
So, we started from one album that consists of my primary school year photos..and then to one with my baby pics. Apparently, my face didn't change since the age of 4 :P This was what Teng Yung say, but I am not sure if I agree :)
Anyway, we came across a few photos of my birthday parties. When I looked at the photos, I saw a table full of food - french fries, sausages, watermelon cut into small pieces, red eggs, fried bee hoon and of course, a big birthday cake right in the middle of the pile of food on the table. I was amazed at the strength of the table!
The other thing I noticed besides the food, hehe, in the photos, were the friends that stood by my side, who sang birthday song and were willing to be in the photos with me. I regretted not keeping in touch with some of them.
But as I looked into these photos, the thing that I remembered most, well, not exactly thing, more like persons, were my parents.
Looking at these photos brought back flashes of memories which comprise moments I saw my parents busy cleaning up and preparing in the kitchen, rushing in and out of it, to prepare the food and make sure everything is OK. They even did the invitation where I was supposed to do it because it was my birthdays after all. They were exhausted at my birthday parties. Very stressed out in fact. I remembered hearing them complain: "Have party, so ma farn!" But they still did it for me, not once, but many times.
I can't help but feel a sense of guilt in me as I look at these photos and think back to those times... my parents have given so much to me. They ensured I have the best childhood. And I did.
And then I tried to recollect if I did anything for them. Anything... haha, guess what? I can't think of any at all.
I am such a spoilt brat. My parents are giving me so much and all I do is ask for more.
Thank God I realised... although it may be too late. So, now, in one of the transitions in life I am going through now, I know, in my walk with God, where one of my commitment shall be in. My wonderful, loving, superb, parents.
25.7.06
My favourite e-mail for now.
I'm sure all of you have your favourite e-mails saved up in your mailbox. I received this from Alyssa a few days ago, when I first it's length, I was discouraged from finishing the story. But something in me urged me to read on and I thought, 'Well, no harm right? Besides Li Yin hasn't reached to pick me up yet." And so I read on, line after line, paragraph after paragraph.
Thank God I read it, FULL. It then became my favourite e-mail. I'd like to share it with you here in case you haven't read it yet. And yes, I cried :) I hope you will like it too... and find hope in love, and marriage :) God bless.
P/S: To all the 'Dew's in real life, and also 'He Ning's, 'Repent! You are darn selfisf, aren't ya?'
When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms
On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy.. I was a strong and happy bridegroom. This was the scene ten years ago.
The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried tomake more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.
Dew came into my life.
It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her. Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls. Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife.. But I couldn't help doing so.I moved Dew's hands aside and said you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised to do it together with her.
At the moment,the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind althoughit used to be something impossible to me. However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her,she would be deeply hurt.Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of theTV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer,visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slightly joking way,suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.
When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes. Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her,O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.
When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand.I've got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want adivorce. I raised the serious topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead sheasked me softly, why? I'm serious. I avoided herquestion. This so-called answer made her angry.. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!
That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give hera satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house,our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.
Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fall asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again. She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal a life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken. She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement,that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning. I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage romantically.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result ofdivorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today,don't tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset.I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus, I drove to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily.She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face. On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I washolding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vague.
On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this. I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily,not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense ofpain.. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head. Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carrymum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life.She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute.
I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sittingroom, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my necksoftly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn't notice that our life lacked intimacy.
I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious. She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever.. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears.
I walked downstairs and drove to the office.When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.
:')
Thank God I read it, FULL. It then became my favourite e-mail. I'd like to share it with you here in case you haven't read it yet. And yes, I cried :) I hope you will like it too... and find hope in love, and marriage :) God bless.
P/S: To all the 'Dew's in real life, and also 'He Ning's, 'Repent! You are darn selfisf, aren't ya?'
When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms
On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy.. I was a strong and happy bridegroom. This was the scene ten years ago.
The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried tomake more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.
Dew came into my life.
It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her. Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls. Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife.. But I couldn't help doing so.I moved Dew's hands aside and said you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised to do it together with her.
At the moment,the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind althoughit used to be something impossible to me. However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her,she would be deeply hurt.Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of theTV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer,visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slightly joking way,suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.
When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes. Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her,O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.
When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand.I've got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want adivorce. I raised the serious topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead sheasked me softly, why? I'm serious. I avoided herquestion. This so-called answer made her angry.. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!
That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give hera satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house,our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.
Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fall asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again. She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal a life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken. She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement,that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning. I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage romantically.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result ofdivorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today,don't tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset.I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus, I drove to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily.She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face. On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I washolding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vague.
On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this. I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily,not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense ofpain.. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head. Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carrymum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life.She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute.
I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sittingroom, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my necksoftly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn't notice that our life lacked intimacy.
I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious. She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever.. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears.
I walked downstairs and drove to the office.When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.
:')
Seeker's finder.
To all those who are looking for answers to life, to all those who want to know what is life all about, to all those who are wondering what is the purpose of living, I have the answer for you:
Jeremiah 29:13 - You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
He's waiting for you, are you reaching out to Him?
God bless.
Jeremiah 29:13 - You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
He's waiting for you, are you reaching out to Him?
God bless.
18.7.06
When others fail you.
6For in Scripture it says:
"See, I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone,
and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame."
7Now to you who believe, this stone is precious. But to those who do not believe,
"The stone the builders rejected has become the capstone," 8and,
"A stone that causes men to stumble and a rock that makes them fall."
They stumble because they disobey the message—which is also what they were destined for.
I am still stuck in a SWEEP hangover. I cannot rid off the SWEEP memories as they are precious to me. Perhaps, it represents the beginning to a new chapter in my walk with God, one that promises great discoveries and growth.
Since SWEEP, my anger towards to society has not subsided. Yes, I am angry.
Why is the society like this? Why is it this ugly? So incompassionate? So irresponsible?
Some thinks I expect too much from the society. Well, as a part of it, I don't find it wrong to expect something out of it, or else I wouldn't be living in it. Unfortunately, it has failed me.
I know of so many people who, by their actions or inactions, caused others to be drug addicts, sex workers, alcoholics, gangsters, truants, etc. and guess what these people say? They are not part of us anymore. We can't help them.
This stirred up so much anger in me that I was afraid I couldn't control it and will sin in anger one day. Knowing how easily I can go wrong, I surrendered this anger to the Lord. And this morning in my devotion, He aswered my prayer by telling me where should I look to in this situation where the society has failed me - Him.
He too was once rejected my people and disappointed even by the ones He loved dearly. But because He knew He is a 'precious stone' to the Father, He knew where to look to for hope, and a place to let go of this disappointment.
Today, I found the answer to my anger... and why He allowed it to build up in me. TQ God.
When others failed you, look up.
"See, I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone,
and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame."
7Now to you who believe, this stone is precious. But to those who do not believe,
"The stone the builders rejected has become the capstone," 8and,
"A stone that causes men to stumble and a rock that makes them fall."
They stumble because they disobey the message—which is also what they were destined for.
I am still stuck in a SWEEP hangover. I cannot rid off the SWEEP memories as they are precious to me. Perhaps, it represents the beginning to a new chapter in my walk with God, one that promises great discoveries and growth.
Since SWEEP, my anger towards to society has not subsided. Yes, I am angry.
Why is the society like this? Why is it this ugly? So incompassionate? So irresponsible?
Some thinks I expect too much from the society. Well, as a part of it, I don't find it wrong to expect something out of it, or else I wouldn't be living in it. Unfortunately, it has failed me.
I know of so many people who, by their actions or inactions, caused others to be drug addicts, sex workers, alcoholics, gangsters, truants, etc. and guess what these people say? They are not part of us anymore. We can't help them.
This stirred up so much anger in me that I was afraid I couldn't control it and will sin in anger one day. Knowing how easily I can go wrong, I surrendered this anger to the Lord. And this morning in my devotion, He aswered my prayer by telling me where should I look to in this situation where the society has failed me - Him.
He too was once rejected my people and disappointed even by the ones He loved dearly. But because He knew He is a 'precious stone' to the Father, He knew where to look to for hope, and a place to let go of this disappointment.
Today, I found the answer to my anger... and why He allowed it to build up in me. TQ God.
When others failed you, look up.
4.7.06
Since 1980, and still battling.
Happy 25th birthday to AIDS!
Yes, HIV/AIDS had haunted mankind for 25 years and sadly, we are still battling it. When the disease was discovered there were only 5 cases. Today, it has increased to 40 million cases worldwide! 5 million are infected with AIDS each year while 3 million is dying of it yearly. YEARLY.
Statistics like these made me wonder whether there were steps taken to battle this deadly disease. The killing power of sex is just so scary.
However, there is another power that is more enormous than the killing power of sex, and that is the healing power of God and the hope He gave us. I thank Him for this.
One issue of Newsweek I read recently reported that AIDS has been here for 25 years, 'yet there is more hope today than ever before'. Here, we see "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9) comig true in the lives of those involve in battling HIV/AIDS, one of them is a man named Peter Piot.
Dr. Peter Piot is a 57 year old Belgian who had been fighting against HIV/AIDS since they day of its birth. His professors used to tell him that there was no future in infectious disease. Because of this statement, Piot made infectious disease his specialty :)
When there seems to be no hope in our lives, perhaps after manifold attempts of exam and still failing, or not being able to overcome a bad habit that we practiced for many years, or worse still when nobody on earth seems to care about you and you feel so hopeless and helpless... just like saying 'there is no future in infectious disease', God's grace is sufficient. With His power, there shall be hope. And this was the stand taken by Piot and the people who worked with him in battling HIV/AIDS.
Piot would walk the alleys of Majengo and would talk to sex workers there. A nurse who worked with him would say to them "Hey! Do you have a problem with sexually transmitted disease? We are here! We won't judge you. You are children of God!"
In the hopelessness and helplessness, and in the weakness of one man's effort in battling this globally threatening disease, His power is made perfect. Piot did that splendidly. He showed to the world that in this weakness, God triumphs with His glory as a giver of hope, and a healer of the sick. Yes, He gives hope when there seems to be none. Even failure is not a failure to Him. This is proven when AZT, a failed cancer drug, had been used to keep HIV in check!
The global picture may look grim, said Piot, but the seeds of success are everywhere. As ambassadors of Christ, we shall also be ambassadors of hope. People are feeling less helpless and ashamed and are more willing to stand out to overcome AIDS. More and more people and nations are showing concern towards the devastating effects of AIDS to the world.
Alas! But the needy will not always be forgotten, nor the hope of the afflicted ever perish. (Psalm 9:18).
Yes, HIV/AIDS had haunted mankind for 25 years and sadly, we are still battling it. When the disease was discovered there were only 5 cases. Today, it has increased to 40 million cases worldwide! 5 million are infected with AIDS each year while 3 million is dying of it yearly. YEARLY.
Statistics like these made me wonder whether there were steps taken to battle this deadly disease. The killing power of sex is just so scary.
However, there is another power that is more enormous than the killing power of sex, and that is the healing power of God and the hope He gave us. I thank Him for this.
One issue of Newsweek I read recently reported that AIDS has been here for 25 years, 'yet there is more hope today than ever before'. Here, we see "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9) comig true in the lives of those involve in battling HIV/AIDS, one of them is a man named Peter Piot.
Dr. Peter Piot is a 57 year old Belgian who had been fighting against HIV/AIDS since they day of its birth. His professors used to tell him that there was no future in infectious disease. Because of this statement, Piot made infectious disease his specialty :)
When there seems to be no hope in our lives, perhaps after manifold attempts of exam and still failing, or not being able to overcome a bad habit that we practiced for many years, or worse still when nobody on earth seems to care about you and you feel so hopeless and helpless... just like saying 'there is no future in infectious disease', God's grace is sufficient. With His power, there shall be hope. And this was the stand taken by Piot and the people who worked with him in battling HIV/AIDS.
Piot would walk the alleys of Majengo and would talk to sex workers there. A nurse who worked with him would say to them "Hey! Do you have a problem with sexually transmitted disease? We are here! We won't judge you. You are children of God!"
In the hopelessness and helplessness, and in the weakness of one man's effort in battling this globally threatening disease, His power is made perfect. Piot did that splendidly. He showed to the world that in this weakness, God triumphs with His glory as a giver of hope, and a healer of the sick. Yes, He gives hope when there seems to be none. Even failure is not a failure to Him. This is proven when AZT, a failed cancer drug, had been used to keep HIV in check!
The global picture may look grim, said Piot, but the seeds of success are everywhere. As ambassadors of Christ, we shall also be ambassadors of hope. People are feeling less helpless and ashamed and are more willing to stand out to overcome AIDS. More and more people and nations are showing concern towards the devastating effects of AIDS to the world.
Alas! But the needy will not always be forgotten, nor the hope of the afflicted ever perish. (Psalm 9:18).
28.6.06
I don't blame her.
For the first time in this' blog's history, I am going to blog about someone from my family (psst...I hope me memory didn't fail me on my blog's postings!).
That person is..... my mom.
She was given the task of preparing a proposal letter on behalf of the Pandu Puteri of Malaysia to have more funds for the upcoming activities. She was not informed of when the deadline will be. So she kept it in view. Apparently, the deadline was supposed to be right before a VIM -very important meeting - that Pandu Puteri will have with a minister.
Tonight, my mom received a call from one of her colleagues who asked her whether she had prepared the letter because the meeting is TONIGHT! If they called her a few hours before this, she could have finished typing the letter and emailing it to them.
I guess by now, the meeting is already over... and the letter? There was no letter.
My mom kinda blamed herself for not preparing the letter and causing the Pandu Puteri to have less funds for their activities. But I told her that it wasn't her fault. Well, I don't blame her.
Poor mom. Hope she listens to me and will not blame herself for this.
That person is..... my mom.
She was given the task of preparing a proposal letter on behalf of the Pandu Puteri of Malaysia to have more funds for the upcoming activities. She was not informed of when the deadline will be. So she kept it in view. Apparently, the deadline was supposed to be right before a VIM -very important meeting - that Pandu Puteri will have with a minister.
Tonight, my mom received a call from one of her colleagues who asked her whether she had prepared the letter because the meeting is TONIGHT! If they called her a few hours before this, she could have finished typing the letter and emailing it to them.
I guess by now, the meeting is already over... and the letter? There was no letter.
My mom kinda blamed herself for not preparing the letter and causing the Pandu Puteri to have less funds for their activities. But I told her that it wasn't her fault. Well, I don't blame her.
Poor mom. Hope she listens to me and will not blame herself for this.
27.6.06
Swept Away
I am finally back from the Social Work Exposure and Embracement Program a.k.a SWEEP. Strangely, for the past two weeks, I didn't feel tired or emotionally drained but at the moment I left the camp, all the fatigue accumulated in the past two weeks fell on me... physically, mentally and emotionally.
Despite the exhaustion, which I hope I have recovered from after a long day of sleep :P (yeah, now you know my secret...I'm such a pig!!hehe.) , I am spiritually refreshed. I learned more than I ever did in just two weeks compared to my 3 years of study in legal school! Well, at least for practical stuff lah... It just goes to prove that life is bigger than I thought it was, and I am glad I discovered this now :)
Duing this SWEEP, I became a SWEEP-er, but ironically, I was the one that was swept away. On each of the 14 days, I felt emotions and had thoughts that I never had in my almost 22 years of seemingly 'big' life.
My hatred and anger towards the society and the world's slimy wickedness, and my utter disgust of the twisted systems meant for oppression disguised as systems for justice, together with all the heartbreaking stories and sufferring caused by the sufferrings of the needy I met, not forgetting the backbreaking experience of reaching out, all formed the fierce waves in the sea that had swept me away to another place I had never been before in my spiritual life.
Sounds scary? Haha, sorry if I misled you. Actually, it wasn't that bad after all to be swept away in this sea because an inexplicably wonderful relationship was formed in these 2 weeks between me and the people that I came to know.
As I was reaching out in any way I can, be it just bringing a glass of water or chitchat-ing about a particular guy in the group that we think is cute, I realised that the reaching out on my part was nothing compared to the valuable lessons and things that I got from them. Without realising it, I, the one who was supposed to be reaching out, became the recipient in the relationship.
So I worked out the ratio and found out that these people... the drug addicts, criminal convicts, sex workers, HIV positive, the abused, the migrant workers, the mentally and physically challenged, the poor, single moms... have left such a deep impact in my life NOT because they were reaching out to me, BUT because I reached out to them. If by just knowing them and talking to them and helping them can leave such an impact in my life, imagine what impact I can leave on the lives of these people by just a simple gesture of care and love.
So, back to my seemingly scary and creepy sea, as I said, it wasn't that bad to be swept away in it because each new day, each new hour, each new minute, represents a new hope which is an element I found in this sea. Another thing that overshadowed the 'darkness' of the sea was the power of God's love.
It is amazing.
I will never forget the transformation driven by this sacred love in the lives of some of these people I have met...
an ex-drug addict who now has more charisma and energy than Napoleon Bonaparte
an ex-Ah Long who now has more compassion for the poor living on the streets in Chow Kit than anyone I have ever met (notice that I stressed on 'met' meaning people I see and know, not one like Mother Theresa who I had never seen)
a transsexual earning RM 3K steadily in an established firm working as a MAN living by Christ's love
a mentally challenged friend who played badminton with me and advised me really wisely on some pressing matters in my life
an abused 9 year old girl who puts trust in God's love and wanting to move on and let go of her horrifying past
the prison guards who love the convicts so much that they never carry any weapon with them when they enter their cells
He led me into this sea, a sea so ugly yet full of hope, to be swept away by it only to find that I was being led to another place, another special place, not by the torments of the evil waves but by the tucks of grace made by His hands. It's not about doing, but being.
Despite the exhaustion, which I hope I have recovered from after a long day of sleep :P (yeah, now you know my secret...I'm such a pig!!hehe.) , I am spiritually refreshed. I learned more than I ever did in just two weeks compared to my 3 years of study in legal school! Well, at least for practical stuff lah... It just goes to prove that life is bigger than I thought it was, and I am glad I discovered this now :)
Duing this SWEEP, I became a SWEEP-er, but ironically, I was the one that was swept away. On each of the 14 days, I felt emotions and had thoughts that I never had in my almost 22 years of seemingly 'big' life.
My hatred and anger towards the society and the world's slimy wickedness, and my utter disgust of the twisted systems meant for oppression disguised as systems for justice, together with all the heartbreaking stories and sufferring caused by the sufferrings of the needy I met, not forgetting the backbreaking experience of reaching out, all formed the fierce waves in the sea that had swept me away to another place I had never been before in my spiritual life.
Sounds scary? Haha, sorry if I misled you. Actually, it wasn't that bad after all to be swept away in this sea because an inexplicably wonderful relationship was formed in these 2 weeks between me and the people that I came to know.
As I was reaching out in any way I can, be it just bringing a glass of water or chitchat-ing about a particular guy in the group that we think is cute, I realised that the reaching out on my part was nothing compared to the valuable lessons and things that I got from them. Without realising it, I, the one who was supposed to be reaching out, became the recipient in the relationship.
So I worked out the ratio and found out that these people... the drug addicts, criminal convicts, sex workers, HIV positive, the abused, the migrant workers, the mentally and physically challenged, the poor, single moms... have left such a deep impact in my life NOT because they were reaching out to me, BUT because I reached out to them. If by just knowing them and talking to them and helping them can leave such an impact in my life, imagine what impact I can leave on the lives of these people by just a simple gesture of care and love.
So, back to my seemingly scary and creepy sea, as I said, it wasn't that bad to be swept away in it because each new day, each new hour, each new minute, represents a new hope which is an element I found in this sea. Another thing that overshadowed the 'darkness' of the sea was the power of God's love.
It is amazing.
I will never forget the transformation driven by this sacred love in the lives of some of these people I have met...
an ex-drug addict who now has more charisma and energy than Napoleon Bonaparte
an ex-Ah Long who now has more compassion for the poor living on the streets in Chow Kit than anyone I have ever met (notice that I stressed on 'met' meaning people I see and know, not one like Mother Theresa who I had never seen)
a transsexual earning RM 3K steadily in an established firm working as a MAN living by Christ's love
a mentally challenged friend who played badminton with me and advised me really wisely on some pressing matters in my life
an abused 9 year old girl who puts trust in God's love and wanting to move on and let go of her horrifying past
the prison guards who love the convicts so much that they never carry any weapon with them when they enter their cells
He led me into this sea, a sea so ugly yet full of hope, to be swept away by it only to find that I was being led to another place, another special place, not by the torments of the evil waves but by the tucks of grace made by His hands. It's not about doing, but being.
17.5.06
I was happy...Until...
I received a forwarded email from a friend today. It contained really beautiful pictures, alleged to be paintings of Thomas K-something. Yeah, those pictures were gorgeous, and they came with beautiful messages and phrases about God.
I was so happy, thinking that 'Aww, my friend was so thoughtful, sending me such nice emails...' scroll scroll scroll... Aiyak! 'What?!' I was so happy, until I reached the last part of the email. Damn! It's just another chain letter forwardeds.
I have one small reason and one big reason to be sad. So should I tell you the small one first or the big one first? Eenie-minnie-mynie-Mo! Ok, the small one first.
The small reason why I am sad:
Me shouting out loud "Hey people! Wake up! These chain letters do not work! I have deleted hundreds of them and look at me? I am as prosperous as ever!".
And it is really annoying to find out that your email box is filled with crap like that!
The big reason why I am sad:
Hai...I was so happy because I thought my friend was so thoughtful abd caring about me. But, yeah, the best is saved for the last part... True colours are revealed through this 'Forward this to XXX people now or else you will suffer...'
I tell you, forward it and you will still suffer. Suffer from being bound by such emails!
It is sad to find ut that your friends send these seemingly nice emails to you not because they cared about you, or miss you, or were just being thoughtful. But they sent them to you so that they will not suffer detriment. A true friend will send a nice forwarded containing nice pictures or messages to brighten up someone's day...without the forwarding part, because if one really cares for a friend, that person will send the nice email to others without you telling them to.
This morning alone I got 7 forwarded chain letters. Thank God I have Him ;)
I was so happy, thinking that 'Aww, my friend was so thoughtful, sending me such nice emails...' scroll scroll scroll... Aiyak! 'What?!' I was so happy, until I reached the last part of the email. Damn! It's just another chain letter forwardeds.
I have one small reason and one big reason to be sad. So should I tell you the small one first or the big one first? Eenie-minnie-mynie-Mo! Ok, the small one first.
The small reason why I am sad:
Me shouting out loud "Hey people! Wake up! These chain letters do not work! I have deleted hundreds of them and look at me? I am as prosperous as ever!".
And it is really annoying to find out that your email box is filled with crap like that!
The big reason why I am sad:
Hai...I was so happy because I thought my friend was so thoughtful abd caring about me. But, yeah, the best is saved for the last part... True colours are revealed through this 'Forward this to XXX people now or else you will suffer...'
I tell you, forward it and you will still suffer. Suffer from being bound by such emails!
It is sad to find ut that your friends send these seemingly nice emails to you not because they cared about you, or miss you, or were just being thoughtful. But they sent them to you so that they will not suffer detriment. A true friend will send a nice forwarded containing nice pictures or messages to brighten up someone's day...without the forwarding part, because if one really cares for a friend, that person will send the nice email to others without you telling them to.
This morning alone I got 7 forwarded chain letters. Thank God I have Him ;)
14.5.06
Life As a Busy Street
Picture life as this:
It is a very, very busy street. Everyday, thousands of people walked on this street, each heading his or her own way, all walking briskly, to their own destination.
In the middle of the street stood Jesus. His hand was reaching out to all the people who stepped on that street everyday. But all the people walked past Him, all heading to work, doctor appointments, business meetings, dates, etc. Rush, rush, rush. All seemed to be so busy doing their own thing until they forgot the fact that we are social creatures meant to establish true friendship with one another.
Occasionally, some stopped to look at Jesus, but they only looked long enough to know He is Jesus, and never enquired further, and then they returned to their busy ways of life on that street. And there was standing the gate to heaven, but how many passed without even noticing?
This is the life many of us live today.
Jesus longs for us to take His hand which had been extended all the time to us, and be His friend in that busy street where nobody seemed to really, truly, sincerely, wholeheartedly care for you. But we always never bother or even look long enough to realise that He is waiting and longing for us patiently, faithfully. We failed to see His beauty, and feel His existence too.
John 6:35-40: Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty. But as I told you, you have seen me and stil you do not believe. All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I'll never drive away. For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me. And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all that he has given me, but raise them up at the last day. For my Father's will is that everyone look to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day."
Have you reached out to Jesus today?
It is a very, very busy street. Everyday, thousands of people walked on this street, each heading his or her own way, all walking briskly, to their own destination.
In the middle of the street stood Jesus. His hand was reaching out to all the people who stepped on that street everyday. But all the people walked past Him, all heading to work, doctor appointments, business meetings, dates, etc. Rush, rush, rush. All seemed to be so busy doing their own thing until they forgot the fact that we are social creatures meant to establish true friendship with one another.
Occasionally, some stopped to look at Jesus, but they only looked long enough to know He is Jesus, and never enquired further, and then they returned to their busy ways of life on that street. And there was standing the gate to heaven, but how many passed without even noticing?
This is the life many of us live today.
Jesus longs for us to take His hand which had been extended all the time to us, and be His friend in that busy street where nobody seemed to really, truly, sincerely, wholeheartedly care for you. But we always never bother or even look long enough to realise that He is waiting and longing for us patiently, faithfully. We failed to see His beauty, and feel His existence too.
John 6:35-40: Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty. But as I told you, you have seen me and stil you do not believe. All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I'll never drive away. For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me. And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all that he has given me, but raise them up at the last day. For my Father's will is that everyone look to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day."
Have you reached out to Jesus today?
Take Time to Listen.
Many times we conclude that a person is an introvert and do not open up to people, or is a freak who have no social skills, just because that person did not talk to us first.
I faced such a situation with my roommate for 2 years. It's not easy to live with a person like her. She doesn't like to smile, and laughs only once in a blue moon while watching some funny TV sitcom, and worst part of all, she doesn't talk much. Even when she does, she only talks about her work, and how she did this and that better than the rest of her friends.
I always thought that it is impossible to talk to such a person, and I chose to keep it at that, without trying to find out a way to make her truly open up. But God revealed to me that my approach is not the way, if we want to reach out to people close to us.
In Jeremiah 5:21 - Hear this...who have ears but do not hear.
This verse somehow brought my thoughts to 3 persons in my life - my roommate, TY and my family. There is a serious problem in the ways I communicate with them, and I found the problem. Many times, misunderstandings occur because I always push my stand forward first, without taking time to listen to them first. This verse tells us that God speaks to those who takes time to listen. Similarly, if we take time to listen to these people, they would naturally open up to us, share with us their innermost thoughts and feelings.
So we must be the first to lend an ear. Without an ear, no sound or voice can be heard. So, go lend an ear to someone today if you want to reach out. God bless.
I faced such a situation with my roommate for 2 years. It's not easy to live with a person like her. She doesn't like to smile, and laughs only once in a blue moon while watching some funny TV sitcom, and worst part of all, she doesn't talk much. Even when she does, she only talks about her work, and how she did this and that better than the rest of her friends.
I always thought that it is impossible to talk to such a person, and I chose to keep it at that, without trying to find out a way to make her truly open up. But God revealed to me that my approach is not the way, if we want to reach out to people close to us.
In Jeremiah 5:21 - Hear this...who have ears but do not hear.
This verse somehow brought my thoughts to 3 persons in my life - my roommate, TY and my family. There is a serious problem in the ways I communicate with them, and I found the problem. Many times, misunderstandings occur because I always push my stand forward first, without taking time to listen to them first. This verse tells us that God speaks to those who takes time to listen. Similarly, if we take time to listen to these people, they would naturally open up to us, share with us their innermost thoughts and feelings.
So we must be the first to lend an ear. Without an ear, no sound or voice can be heard. So, go lend an ear to someone today if you want to reach out. God bless.
10.5.06
FooLish O-Me.
Quarrel. Quarrel. Quarrel.
A friend once told me that it is an essential element to have quarrels in a relationship, and it is normal. I naively believed what he said. But now I know the truth. Next time I will ask anyone who told me this: "Normal to who?"
One of the ways Satan draws people away from God is through quarrels. In 2 Timothy 2:
23Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels.
24And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.
25Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth,
26and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.
I looked back into the times in my life in which I had arguments with people I love, and yeah, the bible verses opened my eyes to see the underlying result and consequences of quarrels.
I never quarreled with my bf for 5 years, well, at least not much. I don't know why. But my friends always told me that quarreling is an usual thing in a relationship, and they commented that something was wrong with mine because I never really quarreled with my bf. Haha.
But then, at the moment I accpeted Christ, out of a sudden, quarreling became a 'norm' in our relationship. He said to me that it is a 'for-sure-will-happen' thing, because his friends also go through the same situation, quarreling over the conflicts in faith.
Both parties are hurt in quarrels. And sometimes, it even ended with break up. Is it worth quarreling for? Now I would say: NO.
I admit, for the sake of ego I had hurt my loved ones deeply through arguing and quarreling with them. And here, I want to confess and apologise to all these people, and especially you (if you are reading this), TY. I shouldn't have quarrelled. I realised that quarreling does not solve anything, instead it only creates resentment among ourselves and draw us furher apart from each other and from God.
I am sorry, and I love you.
PS: Read your email, TY. And I cried :') I've never read an email like this from you.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot. He answered another prayer of mine!! Heehee. Just now all the library PCs were occupied and I thought I won't be able to online today. Then I went to M10, chat with AiChing, an prayed on my way back to the library that there will be a PC for me. Guess what? There was one when I entered the library! Haha.
A friend once told me that it is an essential element to have quarrels in a relationship, and it is normal. I naively believed what he said. But now I know the truth. Next time I will ask anyone who told me this: "Normal to who?"
One of the ways Satan draws people away from God is through quarrels. In 2 Timothy 2:
23Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels.
24And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.
25Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth,
26and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.
I looked back into the times in my life in which I had arguments with people I love, and yeah, the bible verses opened my eyes to see the underlying result and consequences of quarrels.
I never quarreled with my bf for 5 years, well, at least not much. I don't know why. But my friends always told me that quarreling is an usual thing in a relationship, and they commented that something was wrong with mine because I never really quarreled with my bf. Haha.
But then, at the moment I accpeted Christ, out of a sudden, quarreling became a 'norm' in our relationship. He said to me that it is a 'for-sure-will-happen' thing, because his friends also go through the same situation, quarreling over the conflicts in faith.
Both parties are hurt in quarrels. And sometimes, it even ended with break up. Is it worth quarreling for? Now I would say: NO.
I admit, for the sake of ego I had hurt my loved ones deeply through arguing and quarreling with them. And here, I want to confess and apologise to all these people, and especially you (if you are reading this), TY. I shouldn't have quarrelled. I realised that quarreling does not solve anything, instead it only creates resentment among ourselves and draw us furher apart from each other and from God.
I am sorry, and I love you.
PS: Read your email, TY. And I cried :') I've never read an email like this from you.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot. He answered another prayer of mine!! Heehee. Just now all the library PCs were occupied and I thought I won't be able to online today. Then I went to M10, chat with AiChing, an prayed on my way back to the library that there will be a PC for me. Guess what? There was one when I entered the library! Haha.
9.5.06
He never disappoints.
Everyone gets disappointed by someone, or disappoints someone, each day. I was disappointed by my bf before, and last week I disappointed my friend for ditching him for lunch last minute because it was going to rain (I'm awful! Darn...).
But He never disappoints.
I came across this passage as I was reading a 2002 volume Our daily Bread yesterday:
Psalm 130
5 I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.
6 My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.
Just as the verses said, the watchmen waited and waited for the morning to come, because they know for certain that they will be able to see the sunlight the first thing in the morning, and they waited in that hope.
After I accepted Christ, I faced multiple persecutions, especially emotional ones, from people I love dearly. It was worst when my bf started accusing me for many things I did wrong and that I did not take him or our relationship seriously. At one point during my quiet time with God, He told me to uncling myself from my bf as he is hindering my Christian race (Hebrews 12). I ignored His message a few times, but when there was a confirmation from one sister and one brother, I could not pretend that God did not speak to me.
My bf is a baggage that I find most difficult to let go of more than anything else I have in this world and life. And why is God asking me to give up on someone so precious to me that I will sacrifice my life for? I couldn't see the purpose at all at the beginning. But now I know why. And I am glad this trial took place.
This experience revealed to me that He never disappoints. He taught me to have hope in Him and His word, His promises. When I was facing hard times, I always remember His promises to me. In Genesis 22, Abraham was called by God to sacrifice his one and only son, Isaac, something which no normal human can do, or has the will to do. But Abraham did. God was touched by his faithfulness, and PROVIDED for him, in the end, Isaac's place was replaced with a goat provided by the Lord.
I always remember now that whenever I face hard times, on the verge of breaking down, He will provide. This was what He told me. And thanks to Lawrence, I will always remember that I am one who walks on God's promises ;)
When I did break up with my bf, it was difficult and heartbreaking beyond description. I cried so much :P But immediately after that, God extended His hand to me, and yes, He provided, just as He promised. I was touched by so many brothers' and sisters' love at this point, like Kenny Kee, Charmaine, Allyson, Lawrence, Aiching, Joy and Hock Chai. I could not deny the power of His love. Initially, I was tearing because of the break up, but minutes later, I was tearing because of joy and love.
Upon surrendering my bf into His hands, God had began working in his life and soften his heart in ways that I did not expect. My bf may not be able to see it, but I do. And now that we are both back together, I thank God for pulling me through such a trial. Yes, He never disppoints.
Those who wait on the Lord will never be disappointed. I can testify to that ;)
But He never disappoints.
I came across this passage as I was reading a 2002 volume Our daily Bread yesterday:
Psalm 130
5 I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.
6 My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.
Just as the verses said, the watchmen waited and waited for the morning to come, because they know for certain that they will be able to see the sunlight the first thing in the morning, and they waited in that hope.
After I accepted Christ, I faced multiple persecutions, especially emotional ones, from people I love dearly. It was worst when my bf started accusing me for many things I did wrong and that I did not take him or our relationship seriously. At one point during my quiet time with God, He told me to uncling myself from my bf as he is hindering my Christian race (Hebrews 12). I ignored His message a few times, but when there was a confirmation from one sister and one brother, I could not pretend that God did not speak to me.
My bf is a baggage that I find most difficult to let go of more than anything else I have in this world and life. And why is God asking me to give up on someone so precious to me that I will sacrifice my life for? I couldn't see the purpose at all at the beginning. But now I know why. And I am glad this trial took place.
This experience revealed to me that He never disappoints. He taught me to have hope in Him and His word, His promises. When I was facing hard times, I always remember His promises to me. In Genesis 22, Abraham was called by God to sacrifice his one and only son, Isaac, something which no normal human can do, or has the will to do. But Abraham did. God was touched by his faithfulness, and PROVIDED for him, in the end, Isaac's place was replaced with a goat provided by the Lord.
I always remember now that whenever I face hard times, on the verge of breaking down, He will provide. This was what He told me. And thanks to Lawrence, I will always remember that I am one who walks on God's promises ;)
When I did break up with my bf, it was difficult and heartbreaking beyond description. I cried so much :P But immediately after that, God extended His hand to me, and yes, He provided, just as He promised. I was touched by so many brothers' and sisters' love at this point, like Kenny Kee, Charmaine, Allyson, Lawrence, Aiching, Joy and Hock Chai. I could not deny the power of His love. Initially, I was tearing because of the break up, but minutes later, I was tearing because of joy and love.
Upon surrendering my bf into His hands, God had began working in his life and soften his heart in ways that I did not expect. My bf may not be able to see it, but I do. And now that we are both back together, I thank God for pulling me through such a trial. Yes, He never disppoints.
Those who wait on the Lord will never be disappointed. I can testify to that ;)
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