Journal 12.4.2010

2 Corinthians 12:9

Paul wrote to the Corinthians about being humble before God and not to boast of oneself but to be less self-glorifying so that God will be more in their lives.

The more I boast about how well I did and how capable I am, the lesser God gets the glory and credit which He deserves.

I began many things with a sincere desire to glorify God but ended up taking all the credit myself. I hide my weaknesses so that I can appear great. Yes, a hypocrite I am. The truth is I have weaknesses that I am ashamed of letting the world know. As much as the world tells me to hide it, the Bible teaches me otherwise so that there may be an opportunity for God to be exalted. My weaknesses should not be my shame but the stepping stones for great God-stories and doors leading me to God's mighty things. Every weakness is an opportunity for God to shine!

Judge Not

I wanted to express how hard it was to love an imperfect dear one and that I was hurt by what this dear one had said to me.

But before I said anything, I was reminded of how I too am imperfect. I ought to look at the log in my eye before I point out the speck on the other person's eye. Judge not for Jesus didn't judge me.

I kept quiet.

Loving without regard to the hurt is difficult. Guess that it why we need Jesus to teach us how to.

Journal 28.3.2010

Luke 7:36-50

The jar of perfume represented the sinful woman's lost dreams and disappointments in life. It reminded her of never finding/having a husband and incidents where men have abused her. But when Jesus came into town, she took the jar to him, broke it at his feet. She was judged for doing that, but Jesus said that she has loved much and her faith has made her well/saved her.

Just like the woman, I have disappointments bottled up in my life. I am disappointed with God for my uncle's death and the unfulfilled promises and I am disappointed with myself. I am drowning in my disappointments. It feels like I fell into a pit and God isn't lifting me up.

Perhaps, I should do what the woman did. Take my bottle of disappointments to Jesus, break it at his feet and have faith, trust that God will come through in His time. I need to do that.

Journal 22.1.2010

(an excerpt)

Jesus: I am not here to make you love me. I am here simply to love you.

Journal 19.1.2010

(an excerpt)

Just got back from Sunway Pyramid. Watched 'Old Dogs' with Amanda. It was better than I'd expected!

Don (Robin William)'s character spoke into my heart. He gave up work and moved to be near his family, his children. Ultimately he just wants to be with his kids. Whatever the timing, he loves them, and wants to be there for them.

That's the heart of my heavenly Father! He just wants to be with me and be there for me no matter what and irregardless of seasons, all because He loves me. Whether it's at a crossroad, in work, in relationship, in business and even in my daily routine, my Creator just wants to be with me in every moment. He had given up everything to be near to me. That's the ultimate example of loving out of choice, not feeling.

I am smothered in His love.

Journal 2.2.2010

Exodus 33:8-9

When Moses enters the tent of meeting to meet with the Lord, the cloud representing the presence of God will descend onto the tent and stay there until Moses leaves the tent.

God draws near to those who draw near to Him. He isn't a distant God who wants no involvement in our businesses. He desires to meet with us and is delighted if we take time to meet Him. When I genuinely and intentionally seek God, He will come meet me, like how He would come to meet Moses at the tent. I have used excuses like busyness or exhaustion or "I can do it later" to not intentionally meet God. It's always put aside to later. When I feel dry spiritually, I find myself blaming Him for not speaking but how can I hear Him if I don't even take time and intentionally seek Him, right?

The truth is God will surely come meet me if I genuinely seek Him and go into my own "tent" to meet Him. He is definitely someone who loves communicating with me. The lie that I hear about God won't respond is not true! If I intentionally seek Him, He will surely come meet me.

Sowing What I've Received

I re-read my journal as I did reflection on my journey with Jesus in 2010. It's been a testing year, but all trials are for my good. I am glad that God seeks to refine me and bring me back to the foundation of His love in every aspect in my life.

Every word spoken into my life as written in my journal represents a seed planted by God. One of the reasons God did so is so that I will sow the seeds which I received. So I will be sharing some of my journal posts here. I pray that you will be blessed by it. Happy 2011!