My favourite e-mail for now.

I'm sure all of you have your favourite e-mails saved up in your mailbox. I received this from Alyssa a few days ago, when I first it's length, I was discouraged from finishing the story. But something in me urged me to read on and I thought, 'Well, no harm right? Besides Li Yin hasn't reached to pick me up yet." And so I read on, line after line, paragraph after paragraph.

Thank God I read it, FULL. It then became my favourite e-mail. I'd like to share it with you here in case you haven't read it yet. And yes, I cried :) I hope you will like it too... and find hope in love, and marriage :) God bless.

P/S: To all the 'Dew's in real life, and also 'He Ning's, 'Repent! You are darn selfisf, aren't ya?'

When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy.. I was a strong and happy bridegroom. This was the scene ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried tomake more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her. Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls. Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife.. But I couldn't help doing so.I moved Dew's hands aside and said you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised to do it together with her.

At the moment,the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind althoughit used to be something impossible to me. However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her,she would be deeply hurt.Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of theTV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer,visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slightly joking way,suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes. Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her,O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand.I've got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want adivorce. I raised the serious topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead sheasked me softly, why? I'm serious. I avoided herquestion. This so-called answer made her angry.. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give hera satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house,our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fall asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again. She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal a life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken. She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement,that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning. I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage romantically.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result ofdivorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today,don't tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset.I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus, I drove to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily.She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face. On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I washolding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vague.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this. I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily,not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense ofpain.. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head. Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carrymum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life.She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute.

I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sittingroom, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my necksoftly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn't notice that our life lacked intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious. She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever.. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears.

I walked downstairs and drove to the office.When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.

:')

Seeker's finder.

To all those who are looking for answers to life, to all those who want to know what is life all about, to all those who are wondering what is the purpose of living, I have the answer for you:

Jeremiah 29:13 - You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

He's waiting for you, are you reaching out to Him?
God bless.

When others fail you.

6For in Scripture it says:
"See, I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone,
and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame."
7Now to you who believe, this stone is precious. But to those who do not believe,
"The stone the builders rejected has become the capstone," 8and,
"A stone that causes men to stumble and a rock that makes them fall."
They stumble because they disobey the message—which is also what they were destined for.

I am still stuck in a SWEEP hangover. I cannot rid off the SWEEP memories as they are precious to me. Perhaps, it represents the beginning to a new chapter in my walk with God, one that promises great discoveries and growth.

Since SWEEP, my anger towards to society has not subsided. Yes, I am angry.
Why is the society like this? Why is it this ugly? So incompassionate? So irresponsible?

Some thinks I expect too much from the society. Well, as a part of it, I don't find it wrong to expect something out of it, or else I wouldn't be living in it. Unfortunately, it has failed me.

I know of so many people who, by their actions or inactions, caused others to be drug addicts, sex workers, alcoholics, gangsters, truants, etc. and guess what these people say? They are not part of us anymore. We can't help them.

This stirred up so much anger in me that I was afraid I couldn't control it and will sin in anger one day. Knowing how easily I can go wrong, I surrendered this anger to the Lord. And this morning in my devotion, He aswered my prayer by telling me where should I look to in this situation where the society has failed me - Him.

He too was once rejected my people and disappointed even by the ones He loved dearly. But because He knew He is a 'precious stone' to the Father, He knew where to look to for hope, and a place to let go of this disappointment.

Today, I found the answer to my anger... and why He allowed it to build up in me. TQ God.
When others failed you, look up.

Since 1980, and still battling.

Happy 25th birthday to AIDS!

Yes, HIV/AIDS had haunted mankind for 25 years and sadly, we are still battling it. When the disease was discovered there were only 5 cases. Today, it has increased to 40 million cases worldwide! 5 million are infected with AIDS each year while 3 million is dying of it yearly. YEARLY.

Statistics like these made me wonder whether there were steps taken to battle this deadly disease. The killing power of sex is just so scary.

However, there is another power that is more enormous than the killing power of sex, and that is the healing power of God and the hope He gave us. I thank Him for this.

One issue of Newsweek I read recently reported that AIDS has been here for 25 years, 'yet there is more hope today than ever before'. Here, we see "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9) comig true in the lives of those involve in battling HIV/AIDS, one of them is a man named Peter Piot.

Dr. Peter Piot is a 57 year old Belgian who had been fighting against HIV/AIDS since they day of its birth. His professors used to tell him that there was no future in infectious disease. Because of this statement, Piot made infectious disease his specialty :)

When there seems to be no hope in our lives, perhaps after manifold attempts of exam and still failing, or not being able to overcome a bad habit that we practiced for many years, or worse still when nobody on earth seems to care about you and you feel so hopeless and helpless... just like saying 'there is no future in infectious disease', God's grace is sufficient. With His power, there shall be hope. And this was the stand taken by Piot and the people who worked with him in battling HIV/AIDS.

Piot would walk the alleys of Majengo and would talk to sex workers there. A nurse who worked with him would say to them "Hey! Do you have a problem with sexually transmitted disease? We are here! We won't judge you. You are children of God!"

In the hopelessness and helplessness, and in the weakness of one man's effort in battling this globally threatening disease, His power is made perfect. Piot did that splendidly. He showed to the world that in this weakness, God triumphs with His glory as a giver of hope, and a healer of the sick. Yes, He gives hope when there seems to be none. Even failure is not a failure to Him. This is proven when AZT, a failed cancer drug, had been used to keep HIV in check!

The global picture may look grim, said Piot, but the seeds of success are everywhere. As ambassadors of Christ, we shall also be ambassadors of hope. People are feeling less helpless and ashamed and are more willing to stand out to overcome AIDS. More and more people and nations are showing concern towards the devastating effects of AIDS to the world.

Alas! But the needy will not always be forgotten, nor the hope of the afflicted ever perish. (Psalm 9:18).