Blurness Embarasses.

Two days ago, I went to work in the blurrest mode ever in this year. My body was awake, but my mind was definitely still in deep slumber. I was going to work in trance, haha.

And so I walked up to this little truck at Taipan parked near my office that sells nasi lemak. I wanted to buy breakfast there, as I do most of the mornings.

I had NASI LEMAK in my mind. But before I could channel that thought to my mouth, it blurted, "Bang, satu NASI GORENG."

The nasi lemak seller laughed at me, and guess what? There was another customer there, and he laughed at me too. To add to the embarassment, I tried to cover up, "Kamu goreng nasi tu sekarang lah..."

They both laughed even harder. Oh, how embarassing!

When I Met You.

Hey You,

When I met You, my life before that point has become negligible.
It no longer matter.
It was as though life had only really began at the moment I found You
...or rather You found me.

Truly I say to You: my life is found in You.

Te Amo.

Up For the Challenge?

Someone very dear to me recently asked me a good question: Have you ever challenged God?

"Well, like you tell God if He make this happen, then you will do something."

When I just began to know Jesus, I always challenge him that way. For example, I remember vividly saying to him that if he helped me get back this deposit I paid to my college, I will give it all in offering on Sunday. There are many more challenges I gave him, and some really put me to shame :P

My first ever challenge to God was this - that He show me that He is real, because I really wanted to know if He is real. Guess what? He did show up, and so did the many times I challenged Him. But the question is, did I keep my part of the bargain all the time? You can guess the answer to that...

I don't know when was the point in time that I stopped challenging God already. It felt like ages since I last did that. The Bible said to not put God to test (Deuteronomy 6:16). But I stopped challenging God not because of that verse, rather, I stopped because as I grew closer to God and got to know Him so much more.

I was such an idiot to challenge God :P I am just a human being that's full with flaws and incapable in so many ways. To challenge a God who is All-Mighty, All-Powerful, All-Knowing and who created this universe is really an idiotic attempt that is doomed to failure without exception. HAHA.

There is really no point in challenging God. Nothing is too difficult for Him (Genesis 18:14), and nothing is impossible for Him (Luke 1:37). I've learnt that in challenging God, I am just using it as an excuse to either not believe in Him or not obeying Him, putting the blame on Him instead of trusting in Him and His goodness & faithfulness. In other words, I am masking my lack of faith with seemingly reasonable request for God to show up first, when in fact He is already there.

Throughout my months of walking with God, I picked up that by challenging God, I am actually putting myself to a test that will not do me any good in the long run. With each challenge I put to God, I am showing to Him that I am not a person who can be trusted with the bigger things that God has in store for me because I don't trust Him.

It's like a father who is and will be giving the son the best things already simply because the father loves the son. But one day the son came to him and said "Dad, why don't you help my business prosper, and then I will acknowledge that you love me." Can you imagine the hurt to the father's heart when he hears that?

The truth that doesn't change is that God loves us and God's nature is to bless and to give without holding back. Only He knows what is best for us, and when is the right timing to give us bigger things as only He will know when we are ready and responsible enough to handle the bigger things that He will eventually give to us. But when we challenge Him, we are belittle-ing how big He is and how powerful He is, pulling Him down to our wordly standards instead of lifting our expectations to His level.

Shortly said, God is definitely and is always up for the challenge. But are we up for the challenge?

You have a need?

The one constant thing in life is 'change'. Another constant is 'need'.

When I was younger, I thought having a need is a bad thing, because I thought it means I wasn't capable enough to make sure that that need is covered. Simply said, I didn't do enough, that's why there is a need.

But as I age, I have learnt to live with having needs. It is perfectly normal, and human, to have needs. In fact, it is when one stop needing for something that one stops life altogether.

But unmet needs are really a pain in the a** sometimes. So having needs are normal, but having unmet needs are frustrating. What am I suppose to do with them then?

I took this to the Lord, check out what He said:

All things happen for the good of those who love Me. And it is My will that all will know me, and taste how good I am and how much I love them. I allow needs in your life not to torture you or to purposely make you lack in something. Needs are there so that I can come through for you on them, and then you will see how much I love you. I put a need in your life, but it is also I who will provide for it. Really, I just want you to know how much I love you :)

Everyday, He wants to tell me how much He loves me in everything that happens...even in my needs.

You have a need? Great!! Cos you're about to receive His grace, love, mercy. Don't fret, aight?

On Purpose

Genesis 2:18 - The Lord God said: "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

When God created woman, Adam was too busy running around bushes and naming animals. He couldn't be bothered :P

Woman was and still is God's idea. It was God who wanted to create woman so that Adam, or rather the male-man, can have someone to share the love that God gave to him.
God created woman on only one basis - love.
And it wasn't on accident, nor for fun.
God created woman on purpose. She was His idea.

How awesome is that? ;) I am His idea and created on purpose. Whoa!

I Wonder...

Hey You,

I know You created us all. But the fact is not all of us know that, and not all of us know You.
You must feel really sad about that, especially when You see Your creation run around like a headless fly (with legs :P) and live life directionless without a shepherd.

I know it is Your desire that none shall perish and that all will know You.

I really wonder....Why don't You tell them straight?

He Keeps Me Walking Home.

I hadn't eaten all day. I didn't really sleep last night. It was a long day at work. And my shoulders hurt.

When it was time to walk home, I dragged my feet all the way. That's not me!
What is wrong? I feel an unhealthy burden in my heart. Such an agonizing sorrow is tormenting me. Where did it come from? I had no idea. The next thing I know, I was tearing on my walk home.

I didn't care if anyone was looking. The hunger I felt was nothing in comparison to the sorrow. I then understood how some can hurt their physical bodies to externalise the pain in them which was ten, hundred times greater then the outward pain. It makes them feel, at least, that they are alive.

If there is a noun for something that is more dead than a zombie, I will be it today....

Then I thought of Jesus. He had sleepless nights, hungry days and much pain and physical torture right before He was crucified. I thought "How did you even find the strength to take it all the way to Calvary? I already wanted to give up 5 times on this 10 minutes walk home..."

But then, even if there was deep sorrow in his heart, there was something else way stronger and overpowering - love. He loved me, and you, and everyone else so much that even if it's super-duper-hard-painful to go all the way to Calvary, He would. Simply because to Him, IT IS ALL WORTH IT.

I am worth it to Jesus. It was me, you and everyone else that motivated and drove Him to the cross. I thought "I need something to drive me home, this 10 minutes walk is too long!"

In a split second which felt like ages, I ran through all the things I could make into what drives me...and I chose Jesus himself. I need Him, and even more so today.

I started brisk-walking home, eager to just get into my room and run into His embrace. And I did. I cried my lungs out in His arms, telling Him in the intervals between my sobs and a mixture of both about the sorrow I felt and how it tormented me, committed all that to Him and asked Him to lift it up, and whoa....I feel so much better now :)